My 1 Year Anniversary!!

It's my 1 year anniversary of when I decided to focus on health and nutrition! The year has been marked with many ups and downs but overall it's been well worth the journey. I've learned so much about myself in this process. I'm definitely a much stronger person both mentally and physically. I can withstand much more physical strain on my body in my workouts than I could ever imagine. Plus I feel healthier inside and out. I still have a long way to go to meet my goals but in the end I'm thrilled to be here, grateful to Chad and my family for encouraging me and not giving up on me and I'm excited about the upcoming year of greater health and weight loss!

STUCK IN NEUTRAL & SPINNING MY WHEELS

I'm obviously doing something wrong because my weight isn't budging! Patience, I keep telling myself over and over but I'm slowly beginning to lose all patience with myself and my healthy living goals. Chad and I talked about it a little tonight. I need to push myself more....I tend to be "ok" with average effort but to achieve the most weight loss I need maximum effort. I know deep down inside I have more to give so I need to draw on that strength and use it. I wish I had time to speak with him longer tonight because I would've told him how defeated I feel about going up North to see my family and college friends and not achieving the goals I had set for myself and this trip. I wanted him to know how ugly and overweight I feel and I am scared to see my family and friends again. But my trip is 10 days away....I can choose to have a pity-party for myself or I can do something positive with these 10 days and do the absolute best I can with the time I have left. So I'll choose the latter and step it up. At least I'll know deep down that I gave it the best I could at the very end......

LOST 5 AND GAINED......MOMENTUM?

After stuffing myself for the past 5 days, I stepped on the scale at Chad's studio and I lost 5 pounds! Strangest thing! Apparently I put myself in starvation mode without realizing it because I wasn't taking in enough calories. It feel disgusting to eat as much as I'm eating but Chad promises me that as my weight goes down, so will the calories I need. I'm pushing 2,000 calories a day and eating every 3 hours. I have lots of energy but I don't physically feel well - I feel like I haven't worked out in weeks and my body feels like the Pillsbury Dough Boy! (or girl) Hopefully that will go away as my body adjusts to the new calorie intake.

Again, it feels so strange to eat MORE to LOSE weight but it works! Hopefully in another week I can lose 5 more pounds and keep the momentum going. Until then, it's time for me to eat another 400 calories before I go to bed!

LOST TWO AND GAINED SIX

Hearing about anyone dying from a heart attack, especially at such an early age, always seems to pinch at your own heart. Twice this week I heard of young men dying from a sudden heart attack. One man was 25 years old and playing softball at the time. The other man was 43 years old. I don't know either of these men personally but it still shocks me at the seriousness of heart disease. If these men, especially the 25 year old, can die quickly from a heart attack then what about someone like me who is overweight? What kind of stress have I created on my own heart and what does that mean for MY future? How quickly they were gone......shocking even for someone who is a stranger to these men.

Gained 6 pounds this week for absolutely no reason. I've grown accustomed to the scale staying still but not going up! I think Chad might be surprised as well. We're focusing on my nutrition and I have to eat 446 calories every 3 hours (6 times a day) plus exercise 2 hours a day. Plus I'm counting calories and journaling everything I eat. I think this will definitely work.

I never buy pants. I prefer shorts. Pants have never fit me well and I try to avoid buying pants if I can help it. Well, Katie and I are going to New England in October and I'll definitely need pants. So I ordered some pants off the LL Bean website and they arrived yesterday. I ordered what I thought was my "old" size, half expecting the pants wouldn't fit. As I pulled the pants out of the bag, I held them up in the air and thought there was no way they would fit me. Gosh! They look so BIG!!!!!!!! I stripped down, tried on the pants and quickly realized they fit me quite well. Ugh! That's bad!! I shouldn't be fitting in that size any longer!!

So it's been a frustrating and sad week. Two stories of men who died of heart attacks, gained 6 pounds and purchased large pants that unfortunately fit me. Hopefully next week will be better!!

WALKING OUT NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!

It's rare that Matt and I are both home during the day so we decided to go out on a lunch date. Fun!! We usually like going to Atlanta Bread Company because their meals are quick and usually pretty healthy - as long as you can stay away from the cookie counter - however their parking lot was packed at lunch time so we decided to go elsewhere.

There's a new restaurant that opened up in town and we decided to go there. On the outside it looked pretty friendly and innocent but the inside told a different story. It was literally a meat market! The decor was stark white with red accents, large signs screaming out orders and directions, the front door led you like cattle right to the ordering counter and the kitchen was open to the entire room so you could see burgers sizzling on the grills and fries soaking in hot oil. The dining area was packed with people eating unhealthy foods...the fries were literally dripping with grease and the hamburgers were oozing out of the buns. And the smell of grease and fat made me feel sick to my stomach!

In fact, I heard a customer wish another customer "Happy Heart Attack!". No kidding!

Normally I care too much about what other people think. It crossed my mind that if we left the restaurant, what would people think? Would they think we were too good for that place? Would they wonder what turned us off? But in this instance I didn't care what anyone thought about us! It just felt so good step out of the ordering line and walk out of that restaurant! In fact, I hope more people do because it was seriously one of the unhealthiest restaurants I've ever visited.

So if you find yourself stuck in an unhealthy restaurant and you're afraid to leave, don't be afraid! Run out of there as quick as you can. It will be the best decision you could make for your body, your health and your life.

10 SECONDS - 2 CHOICES - 1 REGRET

CHOICE: The act or instance of selection or choosing. Something that is preferred or preferable to others. An alternative.

REGRET: To feel sorrow or remorse for an act. A sense of loss, disappointment or dissatisfaction.

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It's amazing how many choices we make in a single day...deciding which check-out lane in Target is the fastest or what to eat for a snack...determining how much over the speed limit to go or what to watch on TV. The choices we make during a single day are endless! For every choice we make -good and bad - a multitude of options are left untried, each one an opportunity to second guess, brood and ask yourself that perilous question: "What if...?"

Hopefully we make sound and wise choices but sometimes we don't. That's where regret sets in! Regretting that second piece of pizza or the speeding ticket we earned for our bad driving. Regretting the extra money spent at Target or the time wasted in front of the television. Regret sneaks up on us after unwise choices are made. That's exactly what happened to me yesterday!

I had just finished my workout with Chad and I was undecided about whether I was going to use my extra free time to do cardio or just cool down and go home. Chad helped encourage me (and my guilt got the best of me) to do extra cardio so he suggested that I do 15 minutes on the treadmill on an 8 incline with no hands on the machine. I agreed. As I neared the last 5 minutes of the exercise, Chad had me increase the speed to challenge me...whether it was to challenge me physically or mentally only Chad really knows....but I kept chugging up the incline for the remaining 5 minutes when suddenly I had doubts that I could finish. My mind kept telling myself that I was too tired. My mind kept rationalizing that I had already done a full workout with Chad, I don't need to finish this exercise. My mind kept filling my head with doubts and before I knew it, with just over a minute left of the exercise, I stepped off the treadmill and onto the side rails.....treadmill still whirring beneath me.

10 seconds of rest caused an enormous amount of regret! Why did I stop?! I was nearly done! What if I had stayed on the treadmill? How would I have felt both physically and mentally? But my mind made the choice that I couldn't finish. I made the choice to give up.

I did get back on the treadmill after my 10 seconds of rest were over. I'm not sure if it was to prove to myself that I could indeed finish the exercise or whether it was Chad yelling at me to get back on the treadmill that made me do it. Nevertheless, I did finish but not with the feeling of satisfaction that could've been felt had I not given up on myself and the exercise.

Today I regret giving up on myself but it was a great lesson in choices and mental toughness. Regret is a valuable emotion! Regret signals to us that it's time to change our strategy! Do something different the next time. Make better choices. In other words, regret is a valuable part of healthy living. It's from regret that we can achieve some of our greatest ambitions!

So the next time I'm faced with a 10 second rest during a treadmill exercise OR the choice to remain on the treadmill for the entirety, I will choose to avoid regret and welcome the satisfaction that comes from a job well done.

Live boldly. Live now. Without fear or regret! :)

AUGUST 25, 2009 - THE DAY I SAID "YES".

Ok, so this isn't the day I said yes to Matt's hand in marriage but it's an equally important day in terms of my future life and health goals.

You see, I've been working out with Chad since January, I've lost 35 pounds on average but I haven't made any further progression in my health goals. I could give you a list of reasons why I think that has happened but in the end - they are all just excuses anyways. I'm not going to fall back on excuses any longer. Have you noticed in your own life how excuses get in the way of you reaching your goals? Have you noticed how excuses interfere with your motivation, goal setting and goal reaching behaviors and your overall outlook on the task at hand? Excuses deflate your desire and take the momentum and energy out of your will power and determination. Therefore, there are no such thing as excuses any longer. I won't fall victim to them nor should you!

Today I said Yes to Chad about wanting his help to lose weight and that I'm 100% committed to this process. I want him to push me harder than he's pushed any other client in his career. Not that I'm into masochistic behaviors but I know it's going to take a full-on effort from him as well as my own to help me achieve my weight loss goals. I want to be pushed. People who know me know that I perform much better when pushed. That's just a fact. Do you know the type of person who procrastinates on a project until the last minute then pulls an all nighter only to crank out the best project - ever? Well, that's me! I work well under that kind of pressure so I told Chad to bring it and I'll step up and meet his expectations of me. What kind of situation do you work best under and how can you create an environment that allows you to perform your best?

You are probably thinking this should've been done 8 months ago when I first started out wanting to lose weight and reach my health goals. Yes, in theory that would've been nice. But this is a life goal - not an 8 month goal. And it's a process.....it takes weeding out some of the bad behaviors and cognitive thought processes in order to get down and dirty to the real task at hand. That's where I feel I'm at right now. It's kind of like starting over but with more knowledge and skills than I had 8 months ago.....and I know how completely committed Chad is to me. I mean, if he hasn't given up on me with all the excuses and whining (did I really whine? probably....) then I know he is here for the long haul. As long as I am committed to this process then I know Chad is right there along side me. And that goes for all my family and friends.... :)

Re-starting this blog is another way of jump starting my weight loss and health goals. I slacked off on this blog for two months. No excuses why....excuses will not enter my vocabulary any longer....but it's time to start back. It's a useful way for me to document my progress, to convey to you what I'm learning in an effort to help others who also want to lose weight plus it keeps me focused on my goals at hand. Besides, it's been fun and I miss writing the blog. My goal is to keep it updated 2-3 times a week.

Thanks for coming back to my blog. I look forward to sharing more about my journey and as I begin this new chapter with Chad and Shaping Concepts. For now, I've got to go drink my "Slam" and get ready for my cardio workout!

Remember to not allow excuses to get in your way of reaching your goals!!!

Ok, so we were in Target tonight buying beach shoes for Katie. Of course, as one can expect, they had nothing in her size. So I'm rushing up and down the shoe aisles with the hope that the perfect beach shoes will miraculously appear. All of a sudden I came upon one of those shoe-trying-on-seats with the slanted mirror on one end. My first reaction was "oh gosh! A mirror! Don't look!" But it was too late. I was face to face with my legs from the knees down to my ankles and, I'm wearing shorts, so I can see my legs very clearly!

It's as if everything stopped around me the second I saw the mirror - I couldn't hear Katie bugging Matt to tears in the cart nearby nor the store's loud overhead music - it was just me, the mirror and my legs. (Now, if you know me well enough, you know how I avoid mirrors at all costs!) But there was something about the reflection in this mirror that was different! My legs looked unfamiliar! I took another step closer and really looked in the mirror. My legs were more toned and muscular!! Wow! I kinda like them! I couldn't believe I actually liked my legs and admitted it! (and if you also knew me well enough you would know I don't like any part of my body!) I stood there for the longest time twisting my body in as many directions as I could, praying the Target security cameras weren't watching me, so I could see my legs from every possible angle. How cool is THAT!? I have new legs and I like them! :)

THEN...it gets even better.....I've kept track of my measurements since the beginning of my exercise program with Chad. I decided to measure myself tonight just for fun and compare it to my stats in January. I HAVE LOST 15.5 INCHES SINCE JANUARY 2009! No way!!! I can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!! The scale hasn't budged for me in a while yet I'm still losing inches and that's a major success for me!

High-five Chad! We're doing it! :) I'm so excited and can't wait for our next workout!!

People ask me how I'm doing after that difficult workout I posted on this blog. I stop for a few seconds and wonder what they are talking about because I never let things linger and bother me for very long. The fact is, everyone is going to have a crappy day. You, me, Chad...we're not perfect and when you work with someone as often as I do with Chad, you are bound to have disagreements and difficulties. That's pretty normal! Wouldn't you agree? As Stephanie said in a previous comment, he truly only wants what is best for me and he'll do whatever it takes to get me there. I can respect that. Moreover, working through conflict has many benefits and one being that I feel my relationship with Chad as a client and a friend has grown as a result of that day.

Chad decided, and I agree, that I need more cardio in my sessions. I need more cardio outside our sessions as well! I think that's the biggest reason why I have been stuck on this plateau for so long. One of the first things Chad said to me when I started as a client is that cardio will be the biggest thing for me. He's right. I have to get more focused and motivated with my cardio! I'm nervous because I only have a certain amount of sessions to use up then I'm not sure how I'll ever pay for personal training after that. So I can't waste any time and I must make this happen! I figure I have enough sessions to get me to mid-October - that's only 4 months away! Oh no! I can't even imagine having to say goodbye to Chad and not seeing him 3 or more times a week. Ok....I better stop talking about it or I'll cry!

In other news, I picked up a cold from Katie this week. That always scares me because I don't want to go through the experience of pneumonia ever again! I already have stuff stuck in my chest and I'm coughing. It's funny how Katie and I can have the same cold but she's bouncing around, playing and acting completely unaffected by the virus. Yet here I am, wide awake at 1am because the cold is keeping me from sleeping while she's sleeping soundly in the next room! What does that tell you? I'm either getting old or I need to have Katie's mentality about being sick and not let it affect me - push through it and play despite being uncomfortable. Life is good! Don't let anything get in the way of having fun. I guess that can be said about a lot of things....even about getting old! :)

Just got ripped a new one this evening. I guess I'm not losing enough weight, not losing weight fast enough, not working hard enough, not doing enough cardio, not going fast enough on the elliptical or the treadmill and not giving 100% in my workout sessions. All of that equals I'm a complete loser!! That's how I feel right now. Obviously I know that something isn't working because I'm putting in a lot of effort and time and not feeling or seeing any results lately. But the thing is...despite all of what I'm putting forth....I haven't given up and I keep going back, I keep working hard, I extended my workouts with Chad, I started this supplement called Slim and I don't know how much more I can give without something else suffering such as my family.

I don't like being overweight. I don't! My body isn't like every other Shaping Concepts client. My body is messed up! I have PCOS. It's very difficult to lose weight with PCOS! I used to be an athlete before the PCOS hit and I still consider myself one because I can do way more physically than most people my size and weight. I'm strong as hell and I'm fiesty too. I'm in a huge battle with myself both physically and mentally when it comes to my weight. Being ripped a new one does not motivate me. Instead, it causes me to beat myself up more and it becomes a self-destructive cycle.

Part of me just wants to give up and quit. I don't like being yelled at in front of other people in the studio. I feel like a fool. "A fat person who doesn't want to work out...what a surprise....that's why they are fat." I'm sure that's what the other people in the studio were thinking as I was being yelled at. It doesn't motivate me. It makes me want to hide. It's hard enough going into the studio and asking for help. I can count on one hand how many people know my actual weight. Chad is one of them. Do you know how hard it was for me to step on that scale? Do you know how difficult it is to see myself in the mirror and see a fat person looking back? Do you know how undesirable I feel? Don't you think I'm aware of that fact that my weight is what's keeping us from conceiving? Do you know how much that bothers me?

Am I giving 100%? I know I'm not. I don't have 100% to give at anything I do anymore. But I give all I can in everything that is required of me by everyone who needs me. Is that enough? I guess that's for other people to judge about me. Judge me. I don't care anymore.

Fear: A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

Fear of a Treadmill: A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger posed by going to level 6 for 60 seconds on a treadmill.

Ok, so I've been naturally afraid of level 6 on the treadmill. I'm sure I'm not alone!! Not only does the number itself begin to sound intimidating (compared to level 3, let's say) but the treadmill even sounds intense at level 6!

My biggest fear is falling off the treadmill. It's not uncommon - heck, Madonna just fell off her treadmill last month! I believe the news report said she was going level 6 for 60 seconds on the treadmill....but I could be wrong. ;)

The first remedy to fear is to face it head-on - and that's what Chad had me do in the studio yesterday. I was immediately faced with the task to run for 60 seconds at level 6....three times. And I did it although not willingly at first. Ok...not willingly at ALL but I did it only because I knew he would kick my butt if I didn't!! :) I survived despite my attempts at negotiating a lower time, an easier speed or a different day to conquer this fear. And you know what? It wasn't all that bad! I mean, I was winded when I was done but I didn't die - I didn't fall off the treadmill - and I managed to repeat that effort 4 more times.

Fear: The feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

I want to disect this definition.

"The feeling of agitation and anxiety......." Yes, fear is JUST A FEELING - an EMOTION that we create inside our bodies and mind. It CAN be OVERCOME.

"...caused by the presence or imminence of danger." How imminent was this danger at the studio yesterday? My thoughts dictated to me that the danger was immediate and inescapable thus creating the emotions of fear (of falling off the treadmill) that has kept me from reaching my goal of level 6. The thoughts and the fear are interconnected therefore if you can eliminate the fearful thought, the emotion should quickly dissipate.

Irrational emotions are created by irrational thoughts. For instance, I could run a 5.7 on the treadmill but 6.0 seemed threatening and caused a huge amount of anxiety for me! That was definitely an irrational fear stemming from an irrational thought that I could never add an extra .3 to my treadmill without falling off!

If we all had the courage (and encouragement from people like Chad) to face our fears, imagine the difference that would make in our lives! Imagine the success we would achieve. Imagine the self-confidence we could gain!

My next goal is on the horizon......I plan to face it differently. The only thoughts I will entertain are the ones that know I can do this! And I will stop any fear coming between me and that number 7!

Thank you Chad for your support, confidence and patience. Personal training is not just about training your body to become fit and healthy. It's also about training your mind to become fit and healthy as well. Chad does both extremely well!

I've never been good at the Rubix Cube as hard as I try to master it. The same goes for my diet and exercise. Obviously, if you know me, you'll recognize that I've struggled with this mind-teaser of a problem for many years. Yet I still can't figure it out - even with professional help!! (and I can say that because I don't think Chad reads my blogs any longer!! lol)

I'm definitely in better shape. My endurance, strength and physique have all changed for the better. I'm more confident both inside the gym and outside in the real world.

I'm definitely not losing any weight. I've been stuck at this 30 pound weight loss for roughly 6 weeks now. How frustrating is that when I lost most of my weight in the first 6 weeks of exercising and eating healthy.

Something has to change. I'm working even harder in the gym, extended my training sessions with Chad and that's not making a difference - at least not yet. My diet is pretty good! I'm not perfect by any means and I'll never eat the perfect diet 365 days a year. But I'd have to say that 90% of the time I eat a healthy diet and the other 10% is not as healthy but emotionally pleasing! :)

I've been up since 3:30am trying to figure out this problem. I've decided that I need to change the type of carbohydrates I'm eating in my diet. Remember, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which is complicated and I don't process glucose well. Therefore, I think I'm going to have to change my diet from "healthy" to "diabetic healthy". I need carbs. We all do! But I need to alter my carbs into other sources besides whole grain, high fiber breads. There are low-glycemic, complex carbs I can eat other than whole grain breads, pastas and cereals so I think I need to focus on those sources of complex carbs and try my best to leave out the breads from my diet.

Here is a list of low-glycemic, complex carb foods:

apples, cabbage, celery, cherries, cucumber, lettuce, parsley, peaches, pears, plums, radishes, spinach, turnips, watercress, bran cereal, corn bread, oatmeal, wholemeal pasta, beans, lentils, peas, milk, nuts.

Now, I'm told, that this list of foods is great but the first steps are as follows:

1. Identify whether something is healthy or not (low in trans and saturated fats, low sugar, high protein, high fiber, whole grains, etc.)
2. Then use the GI index principle to choose the BEST carb out of the choices for your meals.

For example: I'm hungry for a piece of fruit. I have a choice between a banana and an apple. Both foods are considered "healthy". But when you look at the glycemic index of both foods, you can make a more informed choice. Apples have a glycemic index of 39. Bananas have a glycemic index of 62! I would choose the apple over the banana if I'm trying to keep my insulin levels as stable as possible through the day and avoid the spikes that are keeping my body in flux during the course of a day.

Something has to change because it's not working for me right now. I literally need to forget about the scale altogether (not just throw out my scale like a previous post) and learn to live with the fact that I may never be "skinny" or else I'll frustrate myself out of my exercise program and give up. I need to feel comfortable with who I am....skinny or not. Hopefully then the weight loss will occur.

If you have any additional ideas, please comment and let me know! I'm feeling like I'm on my own now to figure all of this out once again. So your feedback would be very helpful to me!!!

I'M A LITTLE CRAZY IN THE HEAD! :)

I'm a bit crazy for doing this but I've scheduled myself for 1 hour long personal training sessions instead of the usual 30 minutes. There are a couple of logistical reasons for that but ultimately I want to propel myself past a certain weight mark that has been eluding me for weeks! So we'll see if this will help! And don't worry...I still have to get into my cardio on top of the extended workout sessions with Chad!

Friday night was the first hour-long session and I was EXHAUSTED! The minute Katie went to bed at 7:30, I fell on top of the couch and immediately fell asleep. I did make my way to bed and slept the entire night. I did the same last night! I'm still sore from Friday's workout as well. The worst complainer seems to be my hamstrings for some reason.

I'm still taking the mixed martial arts self defense class and LOVING IT! Matt doesn't love it when I practice on HIM but the experience has been worthwhile in so many different ways. I may end up re-taking it OR if I can find the time in my schedule I'd love to join a martial arts class there.

Thank you, Uncle Dave, for your email and the encouragement! It was your email that motivated me to take the time and write another blog post! I've been so busy that finding the time is difficult but after reading your supportive email I couldn't help but write! :) Thanks!!

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! It's not my fault....really! ;) I've been extra busy with everything from home, work, parenting, being a wife, exercising, eating healthy and now I'm doing a mixed martial arts self defense class for women two days a week! It's AWESOME and I love it! I've never felt so empowered before plus it's just plain fun. In fact, I feel guilty because it's that much fun!

My weight has been fluctuating a lot lately. One day I've lost 5 pounds and then 5 days later I've gained 6. My only conclusion is that I haven't been drinking enough water lately and I've been retaining fluid. That brings me to our topic today! Water retention!!!

Facts about water retention:

Did you know that most people retain a little water and that's not uncommon? Women especially. What can you do to prevent this water retention?

1. Drink more water. Ironically! Water retention is common when we are dehydrated or low on water. The body tends to conserve water and will retain some in order to keep us hydrated. Drinking 8-10 glasses of water/day helps shed extra water thus reducing water retention.

2. Reduce your sodium intake. Lowering your overall sodium intake will help reduce your water retention. Most packaged foods contain some level of sodium so be mindful of the amount of sodium you are ingesting in your diet. And stay far away from the salt shaker! Those extra shakes of salt can contribute towards your water gain. Usually buying fresher foods and preparing them at home will go a long way for keeping your sodium levels in check.

3. Caffeine. Caffeine is a diuretic by nature however too much caffeine can have a reverse effect causing dehydration and water retention. Coming from a person who LOVES diet coke, it's best to just stay away from caffeine altogether!

4. Other foods. Some foods have a bit of a diuretic effect such as lemon in your water, cranberry juice and nearly any food high in vitamin C has natural diuretic properties.

Well, that's all about water retention. I'm off to get a glass of water with lemon now! :)

NEVER UNDERSTIMATE YOUR VALUE

When I first saw this picture, I laughed out loud, because the “Special Deal” doesn’t offer any additional value! Normally when I think of value, I think of cutting coupons, shopping sales and saving on shipping costs. Yet there's also another value that didn't enter my awareness until yesterday afternoon.

I had just finished having a preventative procedure at the hospital. The hospital is always buzzing with activity - anxious grandparents rushing to see their grand babies for the first time, hospital maintenance workers on ladders replacing broken light bulbs, employees in blue colored scrubs and shower caps dragging themselves out of the cafeteria to finish out the second half of the work day and volunteers in their raspberry colored vests greeting hospital visitors with a smile, a quick answer and a goodbye wave. Yet there was something else I experienced while walking through the hospital.

There's a value placed on being healthy. Why not? It should be something we all aim to achieve. However, I've always felt less of a person - someone with less value than others - because of my weight. Moreover I felt like my perceived "value" was immediately evident to others the minute they saw me and they thought the same way about me and my worth.

Despite losing 30 pounds with a lot more to go, I realize I have as much worth as the healthiest, fittest person. I need to let go of the irrational thought that I have less worth than my thinnest counterparts. Don't get me wrong, there's GREAT value in losing weight - I'm excited to experience a healthier future with my family and friends - but who I am as a person isn't dependent on the numbers of a scale. Who I am isn't dependent on other's perceptions of me. Who I am isn't dependent on my waist size! Keeping that in mind will help me overcome the shame and insecurities I feel about being overweight.

I'm always looking for a special deal - something with extra value - little did I realize we can all find that within ourselves!

Value health. Value your body. Value your relationships. Value your life. Yet remember the one who values you the most - unconditionally - and that's God.

CELEBRATE YOURSELF. CELEBRATE YOUR BODY!

I think many, many women (and men) grew up with poor body image. It's quite understandable given the societal influence that girls are exposed to at such an early age. Yet isn't this something we should grow out of? Wouldn't adult logic and reason take the forefront as grown women accept themselves and their bodies? Unfortunately not. The effects linger long after.....

I wanted to talk about body image because much of the time spent exercising and losing weight involves an emphasis on the body - shape, weight, strength, conditioning. As someone who grew up with a poor body image, it can be difficult to have an unusual amount of focus on my body. Growing up I can remember being teased. I specifically remember a group teasing me by calling me a "Hungry Hungry Hippo" and singing the commercial for the game. I was teased about my body, my hair, my clothing style and anything else other school kids could find to pick on me. I would bike to the pharmacy and buy diet pills and hope they would perform magic to make me thin, beautiful and acceptable to others. Other times I would eat nothing and journal in my diary the number of days I had successfully gone without food. And I remember as a 5th grader, a fellow classmate came up to me, confessed she had a conversation with her mom about me and her mom clearly stated that one day I would be beautiful despite the teasing. I was shocked - first of all that she would tell me - and secondly that an adult could try to predict a future that seemed to impossible to me! Yet above all of this - I was never overweight to begin with! The teasing in addition to other factors led to a negative body image.

What is body image?

• How you see yourself in the mirror or your mind.
• What you believe about your own appearance.
• How you feel about the size, height, shape and weight of your body
• How you sense and control your body as you move...i.e. how you feel IN your body.

What is negative body image?

• A distorted perception of your shape.
• You are convinced that only other people are attractive and that your body size or shape is a sign of personal failure.
• You feel ashamed, self-conscious and anxious about your body.
• You feel uncomfortable and awkward in your body.

What is positive body image?

• A clear, true perception of your shape.
• You celebrate and appreciate your natural body shape and understand that a person's physical appearance says very little about their character and value as a person.
• You feel proud and accepting of your unique body and refuse to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight and calories.
• You feel comfortable and confident in your body.

Did you know that people with negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing an eating disorder? I clearly remember my friend Paula in high school. She had an eating disorder which she tried to hide from her friends and family. She was bulemic. At the time I had no idea there was even a term for the abuse she was inflicting on her body.

Did you know that people with a negative body image have a great likelihood of suffering from feelings of depression, isolation, low self-esteem and obsessions with weight loss?

With all of this being said, this will be very difficult for me but I would like to "celebrate" the parts of my body that I actually like!! It may only be a tiny freckle or an unusal spot no one can even see - but it's a step in the right direction! Besides, one celebration deserves another so please celebrate your body by exclaiming what parts you like as well!!!!

I celebrate the following parts of my body (this is so weird! lol) My eyes, my hair, my ankles, my dimples, the freckle by my right hip, my strength....I can't do anymore but it's a start!

Please celebrate yourself as you celebrate your body!!

Ummm.....don't ask. ;)

HELLO?!?! IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE?

Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to myself. Wish we could take a poll and see who is actually reading this blog. I have to admit, it's fun creating the post and the images. It's a nice distraction from food! lol ;) Seriously though...is there anybody out there?? It's been so quiet lately!! (cricket noises)

CAN OF WHOOP ASS!

Let me give you a little advice. Never let your personal trainer know you've gained weight. If you do, you've just given him a green light to kick your ass for the next hour! That's what happened to me tonight. I was so scared I was going to throw up. It was awful!

Even tonight I'm really achy in my legs and upper body. I truly thought my legs were going to give out on me during my workout. They just burned so badly!

Ok...just for fun....let's see if I can re-create the entire workout. Not that I want to relive it again (shudder) but I want you to know how difficult it was!






Warm up: 10 minutes on treadmill at a faster than normal pace on an incline.

Session: 1 minute punching the heavy bag plus 15 kicks to the bag on each leg - repeat 4 times
Step down lunges - 2o on each leg
Slam a heavy ball from over my head to the ground repeatedly for 30 seconds x 4
Side step squats - 2o on each leg
Squat against a wall and raise a heavy ball over my head repeatedly
Exercise ball w/ sand - rotate it back and forth in front of you for 30 seconds x 4
Bench press 65 pounds for 45 seconds

Cool down: fast walk on the treadmill

My gosh! It doesn't look as bad in writing as it felt in person!! Chad said he's going to open a whole bottle of whoop ass on Monday. Great. Can't wait. *me rolling my eyes* ;)

TRUE CONFESSIONS

*Note: This posting is to show you that I'm human and, like you, I'm bound to make mistakes and lose focus on my path to getting healthy and fit! It's also to prove to you that just exercise alone isn't enough to lose weight. You must do it all! So learn from my mistakes, please!*

I feel like I'm at a confessional booth and about to bare my current poor eating habits to all! I'm fully expecting my penance and I accept whatever comes my way because I've been bad!! Bad! Give me 40 push-ups, 100 lunges, forbid me to eat anything bad....I will obey because I owe it to myself, my family and my friends to do a better job with my healthy lifestyle!

I gained 4.5 pounds recently and here are all the reasons why!

1. Diet Coke - I swear, it'll kill me one way or the other! When I'm exhausted, have a lot of work to do or just need something to get me going, I crave diet coke! I quit diet coke not that long ago and I can certainly do it. I'm just mentally dependent on it because I don't think I can get through a difficult day without it! All are excuses! Diet sodas have been shown to cause weight gain. It's not worth it! I just need to slow down and get to bed early. Then I won't need the caffeine to keep me going during the day!

2. Easter - I ate way too many yummy things at Easter. Matt's mom makes the BEST potato salad and I accepted her offer to bring a large container home with me. (what a mistake!) Plus we bought some Easter candy for Katie and who ended up eating half of it? ME!

3. Eating Take Out - We've been lazy. Well, that's not entirely true! We're far from lazy when it comes to our lifestyle. All three of us are on the go and I personally have too much going on at one time. But...I have to admit we've been lazy when it comes to preparing healthy foods at home. When you're tired, it seems so easy to just order out from Wild Wings, Amigos, Subway, Jade Garden.... After a while the extra calories take a toll on the scale as well as the bank account.

4. Food Journal - I stopped documenting my food in the food journal for nearly 4 weeks. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe it's what started the domino effect. The very first thing I'm doing is documenting my food once again.

5. Grocery Shopping - Again, maybe it's laziness on my part (but if anyone knows me, they know how busy I really am!) but Matt's been doing the grocery shopping lately. He does a great job, don't get me wrong. But there's something about not participating in the shopping that leaves me feeling lost when it comes to making dinners and pre-planning my food for the week. There's nothing I really want that's healthy (Matt picks up what he think I'll like and he really tries!) so there again, it's a call to Amigos for dinner!!! Therefore, I need to go grocery shopping and find time to do that some how!

6. Cardio - I've been going in for extra cardio on my "off" days during the past two weeks. I've enjoyed it and have seen an improvement in my endurance. However, when left to my own devices for cardio on the weekends, I've completely run out of ideas. I don't like biking. Walking around the neighborhood is boring. My inlaw's pool is too cold at the moment. I need some cardio ideas because I'm burnt out on what I have available at home. The end result is I end up doing nothing for cardio. Bad!!

What I am doing well...

1. Attending all my training sessions and adding more cardio at the studio on my off days.
2. Taking my medication, supplements and vitamins regularly.
3. Getting a decent amount of sleep every night.
4. Trying to work harder in my training sessions and not give up so quickly or frequently.
5. I enjoy the exercise equipment in the garage and will continue to use it. (it's mostly strength exercises)
6. I am continuing this blog and reaching out to people for support plus encouraging others with their own healthy lifestyles.
7. I'm starting a women's self defense course next week! I'm super psyched about it!

Chad has given me two weeks to get beneath a pivotal point on the scale - which means I need to lose 9 pounds. I can do that!! It's more of a mental challenge than a physical one. But I can do it!

So that's my confessional. I've laid it all out on the line and told you everything that's going on with me!

My plan:

1. Start journaling my daily food intake again!
2. Stop the diet coke (again!)
3. Stop ordering out so frequently. We can choose one night a week to do that but that's it.
4. Call my family for support again!
5. Find a source of cardio I can enjoy from home.
6. Go grocery shopping with Matt.
7. Avoid all major holiday foods!
8. Attend all my training sessions (even on my off days) and participate in the self defense classes.

Please help me get back on track! It's crucial to me and my family!!

I AM SO STUCK RIGHT NOW!

Ok....so I'm stuck right now. I've been working out 5-6 days a week, training with Chad, doing extra interval training on the treadmill, taking my vitamins and supplements and NOTHING on the scale. I mean it hasn't budged a single pound in either direction! What is going on?!?!

In the past the illogical side of my brain would tell me to give up, that I'm not someone who can lose weight because (insert reason here:__________) and the binge eating would start all over again! But today it's different. When your car isn't working properly you need to fine tune the engine. That's exactly what I'm proposing with my fitness and healthy diet...something may be "off" so let's evaluate my program and see where I can improve! Here are some thoughts on how you can fine-tune your fitness and healthy eating regimen!

1. Eat More - Weigh Less! - Sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it? One thing Chad has taught me is your metabolism needs to be fed every 3 hours to keep it revved up throughout the day. Feeding your body healthy snacks (such as a lean protein and whole grain carb or produce) between meals and having small but frequent meals is the best way to keep your metabolism up.

2. Don't guess portion sizes. One of the biggest mistakes I make is guessing the size of my food portions. It honestly does work to use smaller dishes! I have a small bowl that I use for my cereal in the mornings. Filling that bowl up makes it seem like I'm eating a lot of cereal but I'm not! I also use a small salad plate for my meals. It really does work!

3. Plan your snacks! - At the start of every week I make sure I have plenty of snacks on hand and prepared to get me through the week. Sometimes it's as easy as washing grapes and berries and placing them in air-tight containers. Other times I'm washing celery so it's ready for peanut butter on the run. I also really enjoy Kashi TLC crackers and provolone cheese. Another quick snack is Dannon Lite and Fit yogurt with wheat germ. Yummy!!

4. Don't leave home without a few snacks! - There's nothing worse than having hunger pangs and having nothing with you! It's difficult to avoid the vending machines and fast food restaurants for a quick fix. But with a little pre-planning you can avoid these temptations and bring snacks with you! I usually stash in my purse an organic snack bar (I like the Bora Bora wellness bar) in my purse or car. Having nuts, a banana or even a peanut butter and whole wheat bread sandwich is a nice option to some of the horrible fast food mistakes you can make during your day!

5. Read the labels! - Always read the fine print on the packaging and never assume that the large print on the front of the box is the "truth". Avoid food with trans fat, saturated fats and large amounts of sugar. Seek out foods that are high in protein and high in whole grain fibers. Don't buy into the snacks that are 100 calories. If you read the ingredients and the nutritional information, you'll realize that you are ingesting 100 calories of yummy tasting but unhealthy processed foods!

6. Don't skip meals - Keep your body out of starvation mode by selecting a healthy food choice every 3 hours. Eat something healthy within 30 minutes of waking up. Make sure you eat breakfast!

7. Don't eat more because you exercised - this is one of my biggest cognitive errors when it comes to weight loss! Psychologically I think that I just put in an awesome workout so if I eat more or unhealthier than normal, it will balance out. But why would you want to "balance out" your food intake and workout? How quickly a workout can be ruined by an unhealthy meal! Why exert all that effort and pain only to sabotage yourself with a poor food choice? (I'm talking to myself here! lol) Make the most out of your time, effort and energy expended during your workouts by continuing your healthy eating both before and after your exercise routine!

8. Don't skimp on sleep - One thing I read recently on a fitness blog is this... "TRAIN BIG, EAT BIG AND REST BIG". We all know about training and eating healthy but did you know that sleep is a big part of that equation as well? I recently read that a Columbia University research team found that people who got less than 7 hours of sleep a night were 23% more likely to be obese. They concluded that sleep deprivation seems to throw off the hormones that keep our appetites in check.

9. Don't weigh yourself obsessively - Another fault of mine! It's very easy to rely on the scale as THE measurement of your progress. But your weight can fluctuate from day to day - even hour to hour! And it's not the best gauge of your health nor your fitness. Monitoring your clothing size is a better gauge for how you are doing. Keep your attention focused on your health versus a number on the scale! In fact, Chad always tells me to throw out my scale! But I can't! :)

10. Don't say you are on a diet! - The word diet carries many connotations that echo thoughts of a diet being a temporary phase and not a lifestyle change. Think of your new eating style - not as a diet - but a healthy behavioral change that you will continue for the rest of your life!

When starting a new healthy change in your life, it can be overwhelming at all the things to "do" and "don't do". Just select a few changes to implement now into your lifestyle and you'll already be on your way!

Out of the 10 options above, which are the ones you think you can start today and why?

Or if you are already on the path towards a healthier lifestyle, what do you need to improve on? I know for me, I need to improve on the thought that I can eat more because I worked out, sleep more plus I need to avoid the scale! How about you?

"A WOMAN IS NOT OLD UNTIL REGRETS TAKE THE PLACE OF DREAMS".

Guess what? I have some special news to report! Matt and I have decided not to abandon our desire for a biological baby and we're going to try again! And it's all because of Chad at Shaping Concepts (he's my personal trainer and friend) because he's given me the confidence to know a) I can lose weight, b) I can get healthy and fit, c) and, most importantly, I can accomplish ANYTHING that I put my mind to! Absolutely anything!

I'm starting a new medication today and with the continued weight loss, fitness and healthy diet, I truly hope and believe God has great plans for our family. I have so much hope like I've never experienced before! And, if I don't try then I'll always wonder what if........So thanks to Chad and my family we have a new direction in life! :)

Pretty cool, huh?

CELEBRATE!

This is my 75th post!! Wow! I can't believe it. :)

NO...I'M NOT PREGNANT!

Pregnancy has absolutely nothing to do with my blog yet I couldn't help but share my observations at the doctor's office this morning.

As I sat in the waiting room of my doctor's office wearing my oversized UNH t-shirt and yoga pants, I couldn't help but notice the eye contact the older women were making with me. They had this *knowing* smile as if gently saying with their sparkling eyes "how lovely that you are pregnant!". No...I'm not pregnant! I'd like to be....and it's rather cute if they think I'm pregnant at a women's doctor's office...but NO....I'm overweight and I have a plump belly! Not to be confused with a pregnant belly! At least they didn't say anything to me....phew!

DON'T BE ENTICED BY THE PEEPS!

Second only to Halloween, Easter is one of the worst times of year for candy consumption! And when you have a little one around the house it's difficult not to have some sort of candy from the Easter Bunny! Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny shops early therefore candy is hidden quite plentifully around the house.

The only way I know to counteract the urge to overindulge in Easter candy is to illuminate the facts about the calories involved!

Here are the top 8 worst Easter candies! (naturally a few on this list are my favorite!)

1. PEEPS - A few of these fluffy, sugar-filled treats can add up quickly. Go through a row of four bunnies and you're at 130 calories. Peeps are fat-free but do weigh in heavy on the carb count--each little rabbit has 8 grams of sugar alone, adding up to 32 grams in a serving of four.

2. JELLY BEANS - These can be your worst foe or your best friend in the Easter basket, depending on how many you eat. Each individual bean is pretty low in calorie count, with usually around 5 or 6 calories, but munching through a handful or worse, an entire bagful, of Jelly Bellys adds up quickly. The recommended 35-bean serving comes in at 140 calories from 37 grams of sugar. To avoid jelly-bean overdose, it's probably best to grab a handful and then keep the Easter basket out of reach.

3. CADBURY CHOCOLATE EGGS - These eggs may look tiny, but their calorie count is anything but. A handful of 12 eggs comes with 190 calories and 8 grams of fat. You might want to skip over these high-cal eggs if you come across them on the hunt.

4. CADBURY CREAM EGG - It's possibly the quintessential Easter treat, but most people won't be surprised to find out that the creamy egg packs in the calories. The 1.2-ounce egg comes with 150 calories, 5 grams of fat and 25 grams of carbs. If you're looking for an excuse to indulge, there is a slight silver lining: the tasty milk chocolate comes with 40mg of calcium, which is about 5 percent of the recommended daily value. :)

5. REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER EGG - This egg slightly edges out its creme-filled rival in the unhealthy Easter-egg competition. All three varieties of the Reese's egg--milk chocolate, fudge and white chocolate--have a calorie count of 180. The fat content weighs in around 10 grams, double that of the Cadbury Creme Egg, with the white-chocolate egg the worst, at 11 grams. Stick to the traditional Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, which, though it lacks the festive Easter element, has nearly half the calories of its egg-shaped relatives.

6. LINDT CHOCOLATE CARROTS - In a sea of eggs and bunnies, chocolate carrots are one of the more unusual Easter candy options. Sadly, they have little nutritional value in common with their vegetable counterparts: a box of four carrot-shaped chocolates has 210 calories.

7. HERSHEY'S HOLLOW MILK CHOCOLATE EGG - This might come as the biggest surprise: one hollow Hershey's egg (4.65 ounces) has more than three times as many calories as the Cadbury Creme Egg. The shell alone has 570 calories. Start munching on the four Hershey's kisses included inside and you're up to a whooping 660 calories and 41 grams of fat. This may be one of the few Easter offerings that makes a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg look like health food.

8. LARGE CHOCOLATE BUNNY - Not surprisingly, the bunny reigns as king when it comes to Easter calories. But the calorie count may still raise a few eyebrows: the average seven-ounce rabbit clocks an impressive 1,050 calories. Smaller bunnies are better--rabbits of the one-ounce variety only rack up 140 calories.

I HAD A DATE LAST NIGHT.....

I had a date last night. Anxious? Yes. Nervous? Not really. Mentally I prepared myself for a tough meeting but once I warmed up I knew it would be alright.

I had no idea what to wear and managed to still feel self conscious in what I wore. I tried not to look in the mirror during the entire date but sometimes it couldn't be helped.

Ok..I can't keep going with this any more! It's getting too silly!!!! I had a "date" with the treadmill last night!! I'm trying to make this a regular date - Tuesday and Thursday nights during my "off" time from my regular workouts.

I did interval training (running for 1 minute, walking fast for 1 minute, running for 1 minute..etc) on the treadmill for 60 minutes!!!! I was SO PROUD of myself! I could've kept going but a) I was getting pretty bored and tired of avoiding myself in the mirror in front of me) and b) my legs were worn out and I didn't want to fall off the treadmill.

It's funny because I was never winded during the entire workout but my body was fatigued. My insides could keep going (if that makes sense) but my outer body was finished. Too bad because I really think I could've gone another 30 minutes!

Also, I've noticed an increase, not just in time, but in the pace of my treadmill workouts. When I first started my "run" was at a 3.5 pace and that was enough for me. Now I'm at 4.8 run and I could easily get over 5.0 if I really wanted to push it.

Don't get me wrong - I'm pretty sore!!!!! But it was worth it! And to hear Laura and Chad tell me I did a good job on the treadmill meant the WORLD to me! I swear, I smiled the rest of the evening and probably in my sleep! :)

SCUBA SKIN TIGHT

Ok...so I'm buying into this whole idea of exercising, losing weight and feeling sexy and fit in a bathing suit. It sounds plausible....why not? With that in mind I decided to buy a new bathing suit since I've lost 30 pounds at Shaping Concepts. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I bought a bathing suit so it was a treat for me!

Around dinner time the UPS man arrives at our house and drops off the box from Lands End. I was so excited!!!!! I bought two bathing suits (always smart to buy two in case you absolutely hate one of them) and fell in love with the second bathing suit. It's cute...it has a v-neck top, a built in skirt and it's navy blue with small white polka dots. You can wear it with or without the straps.

But let me tell you something.....that bathing suit was such a struggle to put on!!! I felt like I was squeezing into a tight scuba diving suit and it's just as thick! All the excitement about exercising, losing weight and feeling sexy and fit in a bathing suit quickly diminished as I then tried to squeeze out of that scuba bathing suit!

Well, maybe when I lose another 30 pounds it will fit differently. Until then I will pretend it's a smaller size and be happy I can squeeze into it! Plus it still looks kinda cute! :)

SINK OR SWIM....

Mentally I'm not sure where I'm at lately. I've been distracted by other things going on around me. I've been overworking and unable to relax. And I've noticed that I'm self-sabotaging my diet at times.

I think I'm fearful of getting past a milestone in terms of my weight. For me, being skinny means that I'm unsafe therefore being overweight keeps me "safe". Even if my idea of safety sounds illogical, it has kept me safe for many years. How can you possibly let go of that safety net?

It reminds me of the Red Cross swimming lessons I took at a lake when my brothers and I were younger. Man, I certainly had a strong connection with that kickboard! It kept me safe, afloat and able to return back to the beach in a pinch. Anyone who even suggested I drop the kickboard and swim on my own was crazy! Why would I do that? I'd certainly drown, some gross, slimey lake creature would grab my legs and pull me under or I would be forced to do the doggie paddle and embarrass myself in front of my brothers. When you've used that safety net for so long, it's difficult to let go. How do you trust in the process (whether swimming or otherwise) that it's ok to tread water on your own? How can you trust that nothing bad will happen, that you are strong enough to swim to shore if necessary and you know that slimey lake creatures don't actually exist in the real world?

I'm not really sure I have the answer to any of these questions. All I can do is keep paddling with my feet and hope that one day I can drop the kickboard, use my arms and keep myself afloat with more confidence than I have at the moment!

3x - 2x - 1x = ?

No, this isn't a lesson in algebra but a lesson in clothing sizes! I've always preferred my t-shirts to be a little big and comfy on me therefore I usually purchase a size 3x shirt. Yet I've found that since I've lost weight my "big comfy shirt" is now a size 2x and if necessary I can wear a 1x. I'm really excited about that because it's another sign that I'm losing weight. And I'm even more excited that there are smaller sizes for me on the horizon!! Yay!

Yet coupled with that today, Katie made a remark that surprised me! She had her head on my stomach and said that I'm going to have a baby! Oh my gosh! I made her promise not to tell anyone. I can just hear the rumors going around that I'm pregnant! Unless she knows how to predict the future, I think she was referring to the size of my stomach!! Argh! lol

MY FAVORITE QUOTE

I don't know about you but I find inspiration in quotes. This has always been one of my favorite inspirational quotes.

"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it". - Rabindranath Tagore

For me, this quote reminds me that we are stronger than any pain or any fear that we face in life. No matter what the pain, we can endure it. Regardless of the fear, we can confront it. It's difficult to remember this latent strength when we are in the midst of difficulties but it's there and we only need to call upon it for courage! And for me and my family that strength comes from God because without him we wouldn't have any of this strength.

What is YOUR favorite quote or verse?

KATIE IS SICK....AGAIN!

And you know what THAT means! Historically I get sick when she gets sick! I'm taking pre-emptive measures against these germs by doing some new and different things! First of all, I'm taking Chad's ImmunoGuard which is proported to aid in keeping people well. Then I'm taking a probiotic drink every morning. Plus I'm not letting her cough near me, hold my hand or kiss me if she's sick. And I'm getting extra sleep! If I get sick again, I think I'll drown myself in Nyquil....or Vicks VapoRub!

WEIGHT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what got into Chad but yesterday was quite interesting during our workout!! See this rack of weights? I had to move the two upper racks all over the gym a pair at a time. I believe the weights ranged from 12 - 40 (or 45?) pounds. I moved them 3 times!! I couldn't believe he had me hauling these things all over the place!!!! Plus I did countless lunges up and down the studio and a million or more push-ups. I'm a bit sore today although I won't admit it to Chad.....but it was fun and something different. Besides, I didn't have to do any squats!!! That's the best! :)

I JUST "SCALED" MYSELF

I honestly try not to weigh at home very often. It's not healthy for me (mentally) to do that but every once in a while I just have a strong desire to know where I'm at...if I'm not losing weight then I might need to pay more close attention to my diet.

So I drag the dusty ol' scale out of the depths of my closet. After I weighed myself, Katie was so excited that she yelled (jumping up and down) "I want to scale myself, tooooooooooo!!!" Little does she realize that this excitement will quickly fade once she becomes a teenager! :) Katie asked if I was happy with the scale and I said yes....that each day I become more and more healthy and it makes me very happy. She smiled and said she was happy, too.

I was so relieved to see that the scale moved down further - at last. Ever since losing weight from the pneumonia I knew my metabolism must've been off. I hardly ate! So it's a huge relief to begin to lose weight again!! I won't officially post a loss until I get on Chad's scale...but it's a few more pounds lost.

Speaking of losing pounds, Chad is running a "Biggest Loser" contest at Shaping Concepts. Along with a dozen or so people, I'm competing for the greatest amount of weight lost during a specific time period. So far I'm not meeting my own expectations for this contest. In fact, I had hoped to win but I'm fearful I may have lost a bit of momentum. But I have just over 2 weeks left in the contest. If I can step it up...maybe I can still win!!!! The prize is 8 free sessions which comes out to $280.

Also (I'm really talkative today!!), I can feel myself getting so much stronger!!!!!!!!
I can really feel it! It's the coolest thing. It's the BEST!!! And I received the absolute nicest comment from one of Chad's clients yesterday. He's noticing that my hard work is paying off and it shows. That movitates me even MORE to work hard!!

(Don't pay attention to the fact that I have no top on in this picture! Scary picture, huh?? lol)

What excites you the most about exercise, health and nutrition? When was the last time you were at your peak conditioning? Do you think you can achieve that result again? If so, how do you plan to do it? X_____________________??? :)

TO MEASURE OR NOT TO MEASURE.....

I've been keeping a small chart of body measurements since the beginning of my choice to lose weight and become healthy.

I decided to measure myself again yesterday and found mixed results compared to the last time I measured. However if you look at the bigger picture there is definitely a change in my body size. Here are the results:




January 2nd compared to March 28

Waist size: remained the same (not a good start!)
Chest size: remained the same (ok...it'll get better...)
L Bicep: - .5 inches
R Bicep: remained the same
L Thigh: -5 inches!!!
R Thigh: -1 inch (ok so my legs are now lopsided! lol)
Neck: - 1 inch
Forearms: - .5 inches
Hips: - 3 inches (yay!)
R: Calf: + .5 inches
L: Calf: + .5 inches (ok so at least they are symmetrical!)
BMI: - 5.6 points
Weight: Still hovering at 30 pounds lost

Overall I am very pleased especially with the weight, BMI and hips! I'll keep tracking my measurements over time and see how they compare. But for now, I'm putting the tape measure away. It can be as addicting as stepping on the scale!

COUNTING POUNDS - LESSONS TO WEIGH BY

Over the past few months I've had many lessons about exercise and weight loss that I've learned at Shaping Concepts. Some lessons I will forever remember -both the good & bad lessons! I'm continuing that by adding more lessons to my blog. (I'm not sure if anyone is reading my blog..I think I'm talking to myself! lol But that's totally ok....I'm enjoying the process of writing anyway!)

--IF YOUR DOG HATES EXERCISE THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT!

Our 8 month old dachshund, Noah, (seen here at 4 months old) has always hated exercise. I think that's why I was drawn to him as a puppy. ;) He loves short intervals of play time and he's actually pretty athletic but he detests going around the neighborhood on a leash. I'm the same way! lol Despite his resistance to exercise I continue to bring him on walks. He made it known in a different way how much he hates our exercise time together.

It was a really gorgeous evening outside and I knew I needed my exercise so Matt and I took both dogs (Milo - the exerciser!) and Noah (the exercise detester) around the 'hood. Sporadically we would take short bursts and run with Noah but the remainder of the time we just walked. It was a great walk and I really enjoyed it! After several laps, Milo was still anxious to go around the neighborhood but Noah was done. In fact, he was done after the first steps of the walk! So we go inside, give the dogs water and I crate Noah. Noah made it known how much he protested our walks by throwing up all over his crate. Nice!! It was so disgusting!! Ew!

Next time I will have to gradually build up Noah to become an endurance walker but for now I choose to walk alone!

Ok so I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! I mean, what the heck? I can't even get this underlining to stop under my text! I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm REALLY cranky and I'm never like this.

I have a wicked hectic day today which is rather daunting. Too many appointments, too long of a day and not enough sleep or energy to go with it. Wish me luck. :(

Ok, so I'm a little too tired this morning to be excited about anything at all. However, if I DID have the energy I would be thrilled to tell you about my workout yesterday!!!!!!

Much of exercise (and life!) - the pain, endurance, motivation etc. seem to be a mental challenge rather than physical. I've been focusing on overcoming the mental aspects of my workouts! Here is what I've been implementing to accomplish this goal:

1. The most challenging part of my workout is with Chad. I keep reminding myself that it's only 30 MINUTES!!! Anyone can endure anything for 30 minutes...or, nearly anything. Therefore I mentally prepare myself for that specific period of time.

2. I visualize myself having a strong workout! I take a few quiet and still moments in my car or during my warm-up on the treadmill and I try to picture myself giving everything I have with each exercise, finishing all my reps of each exercise without stopping and mentally minimizing the pain from exerting myself with the exercises. If for some reason there is a complete, unanticipated change in my workout (like going outside to do stairs!! ahem....Chad!), then I'm all thrown off! :)

3. I wear something that I believe will give me strength. It can anything from a special t-shirt, a bracelet or ring and even a necklace. I wear an old Catholic pendant necklace that was my Dad's when he was in the Air Force. It's about as old as I am! (and that's wicked old! lol) It looks like this...(see image). It helps because I know when I'm struggling all alone he's there to encourage me in his own way at that very moment. He's always had more confidence in me than I could ever have in myself. (ok..no crying in this blog!!) Plus it's a useful reminder to all that if I pass out or nearly die from a workout then someone at Shaping Concepts can call a priest for me as noted on the back of the pendant. (lol....just kidding!!!!!)

It works for me! And I'm quite sure any variation of this could benefit you as well! Give it a try!!

Additionally, I was so proud of myself last night! After a wicked weekend of eating (my worst in 3 months!) I really wanted to push myself at Shaping Concepts yesterday. Chad and I had a great workout together (I'm one step closer to doing push-ups on the ground which is exciting!). I put in 30 minutes doing cardio on the treadmill after my regular workout to "make up" for my bad eating weekend. When Chad and his wife left the building, I ran on the treadmill and completely soaked myself with sweat! It was awesome! (thus why I'm rather tired this morning) It was the best feeling - not only because I worked hard with cardio but I didn't need anyone else to coach or encourage me. (Gosh! Not that I don't need Chad! I'll probably always need him! lol But what I realized is that I CAN do it myself!) I exercised that hard because I wanted to do it!!!! That is so cool to me!!! When I was done my hair was so soaked underneath it was like someone took a glass of water and threw it at the back of my head! (ew...I know...but it's awesome, too!! lol)

I'd love to hear how you motivate yourself in life! What mental "tools" do you use to keep yourself focused, motivated, encouraged, etc.? How has that helped you reach your goals? Do you have any other recommendations that might help me reach my goals?